Dear Google^TM!

They do say, more and more often, you probably want to know everything about me and then sell the knowledge, like a close relative would. Well, if you really feel like, say, my big brother, then your primary duty would be to protect me, don’t you agree? Maybe, when all is said and done, this is actually your honest intent, we’ll see about that.
But let’s set some things straight first: since I may have involuntarily entrusted many a secret upon you, you may be a bit confused and still not know enough about me to discern when & where this particular damsel is or is not going to encounter any serious distress in form of need or desire, to speak commercially.

Let me whisper it into your … eeeeears, then, and help you decide.

First of all: forget all about a new health insurance for me. I am well insured, thank you brother, and I don’t intend to do any insurance hopping soon so you may as well stop offering me one every time I type anything like http: and the rest in my trusty Firefox. I bet they told you over at Facebook I was a freelancer, so much about data protection, but let me just repeat: I.do.no.need.a.health.insurance. OK?!
Second: I’ll never forgive you for all those BB-catalogues telling me, basically, it is high time to express my larger self. Never!
Third: Due to my work I do much internet research (and gain some weight, yeah, but we’ve done with that) and consequently, many of the things I search for have nothing to do with me. A steamed bear would be a case in point. Most chosen French wines and fine foods belong to this category, too. I’ll have you know I am a simple soup-and-salad-loving vegetarian and, yes, I do have a wok already, thank you. Other things I don’t particularly care for are: expensive cosmetics containing microorganisms from secret places, dust-attracting kitchen utensils like mincers, ice boxes for my car or waterproof CD players etc. etc.
Yes, I have been penny-pinching recently, but don’t start with any saving schemes, show some taste!

I may as well be honest with you: if I do need something, I usually don’t google. I don’t know why. Maybe because Yahoo!^TM was my first love and old browsers do not die easily?
So now that you know you cannot rely on any stored data on my internet surfing behaviour to sell as a profile, I may as well tell you what I would love you to know about me: I think I caught a worm by the simple act of surfing last time. How about hunting those criminals and creating their internet profiles?
Thank you! (And no, I don’t need a super-duper brand new antivirus software.)